I have been meeting with people who have more reason to feel lonely than I am. But their loneliness seems to be the loneliness of he body and sometimes of the mind. It is hard to explain the loneliness of the spirit. For the spirit is beyond verification. It is even more difficult to understand why the spirit should feel lonely. I mean, it is not confined. It is totally free. But the spirit detached from the One is lonely. Who is that One? I am not speaking about the one in matrix. Although Matrix does come rather close to explaining some profound secrets.

I haven't blogged for quite some time now.
It is not because I haven't found any cause for not blogging. Maybe the cause found me-if you don't mind that much profundity in an opening statement. Loner's status does not terminate abruptly. In spite of Prozac or whatever. The real nuts out there know what I am talking about.
The days these days are more dreary, less worthy of anything whatsoever, much less blogging. And words fail me. I am not quite in the WS (of Avon).class. Of course that is ego. maybe a small one, but ego nonetheless.
By my standards. So what should I do? Angry Birds? Don't make me laugh and hit you at the same time. If you are not reachable, I don't want to hit myself. I don't want to hurt myself, you see. Not when I am in the wrong phase.

It rained and rained all day. The rivers swelled, the rivulets roared merrily. The patter of rain drops on the water which covered the earth was like the laughter of a demon.

I write this after a long while. The torment of meaningless existence increases day by day. I do not know what to do.

I am getting those "jitters" again. Not really palpitation, not really anything at all. Just feeling sort of lonely.

I am not really getting worried/worked-up/whatever. But somebody asked me recenty if I have Parkinson's. What do you know !! Maybe that was the problem all along. If so this blog should get interesting as the days merge into years and I into eternity.

I am not sure I want to write anything here. Dark Angel, you win. You have taken too much from me, my friend.

Death

Death, my companion,
Reclaim what belongs to you.
I am ready.

I tried to be better than myself and what do you know, here I am, all messed up.

It is so easy to forget that a loner's life is just that. Lonely to the point of loneliness. And what is more, that is ust the kind of life every one likes to screw up some more. Even the mother.

Loneliness.
My eternal companion.
Devour me.
Drown me in your fathomless love

I am confused. So what is new ! But I mean, this is serious. like in Serious. You see, I lost track of who I am. As in dementia, you would say. Maybe. I am in no mood to argue such a minor issue.

It is ike I am really near the end.

For a few days I thought I was in heaven. Now I am back to earth with a whimper. And the choice was mine ! That doesn't make it any better.

Loner !!!!
You have been punished with this life.
Endure.
It's time you grew up.
This isn't half the punishment you deserve.

The privacy of Death enthralls me. The everlasting silence. What else can possibly be more definite, more ultimate than that. I mean, once dead, you stay dead. Period. And explanations-- come on !! Don't make me laugh. Try explaining stuff to the insatiable companion known by various names, Death being the one I like most. You can hate the companion or you can like him but he never wavers. He likes you all along and so much that no matter what you think, feel, or have ever imagined about him is insufficient. He is not dark, he is not fearsome, he is not scary. He is the best and most beautiful friend anyone can ever have.

Welcome, dear friend. I await thee.

I have neglected the Loner. Will be back.

Deny me what I do not deserve

Be as happy after death as before.

True love, like any other fatal illness, can occur only once in life. It lingers and slowly gnaws you to death. There is no escape, mainly because you wouldn't want to escape the sweet agony that inexorable extinction.

I am back to my old self. Depressed, numb. I seem to have lost even the few friends I had.